blastedgoat

from:  blastedgoat
added: february 22, 2008

this poem was written + spoken by mandy michelle…it is dedicated to the memory of Kyle Cummins who drowned saving the life of his youngest sister, Dena. Kyle will always be a hero to anyone who knew him, i wrote this so he will forever live on through his actions, through my words.

The Rook
for Kyle Timothy Cummins

Lovers embrace in a frame flecked glittering sea-green,
moving olive shadows cast over eyes—unchangeable.
Mid-afternoon through patterned window coverings.
Friends descended stairs to the military ball

Unchained melody buzzed dimly, behind us.
the corners of half-amused smiles dissolved
our words, gasping, drowning, filling our lungs.
Lead poisoning from sea-encrusted walls.

He swims and waits until
his lover kisses water
from his heavy lungs. They sink—melted
wax for flesh and salty

weeds for beds.
Embraced.

song: “I Will Wait for You” Connie Francis

[Futurama episode, Jurassic Bark]

category:  people & blogs
tags: tubewrite  blasted  goat  tranquillized  mandy  michelle  kyle  timothy  cummins  hero  rook  wait  military  ball  unchained  melody

[Repeat]
Try to ignore this song.
Try to forget. I sang it once.
Listen. Those words haunt me.
You haunt me. I remember your face.
I forget what I said. Remember, goodbye.
When heart aches. Loneliness resonates, I think
I think of you and know I have all but forgotten.
This song still exists, your ghost continues to play it, never
will you be lost and drowned, these words keep you forever with me.

Journal Entries

Saturday June 21 2003 11:00 pm

I’m wondering how this all happened. Why another person I loved had to leave me. I’ve never really lost something so close to me in death, just in going separate ways. Kyle knew so much about me and shared so deeply himself. He died a hero, though I knew he was a hero long before this all happened. He saved me from being alone. He was such a good friend and I know that he would have done anything he could to help another person out. When I found out that he died while saving his sister I was so proud of him but now I’m starting to hate the way I treated him when he was alive…

No amount of crying is going to let me see him smiling at me again. I didn’t deserve him, he was an angel, staying in my life for only a short time, less than a year and then returning to his home in heaven where this painful life can no longer hurt his fragile soul.

It’s selfish of me to want to hang onto him, but his face will not leave my heart and mind. I only wish I could touch him and make him know what he means to me. I am haunted by the thought of never hearing his voice again, never being able to tell him that I love him. If I were able to talk to Kyle again I would say…

I’m so sorry for not realizing that you were absolutely perfect for me in every way and that you are someone that I could grow old with and be forever content with. I’m sick at the thought of how I treated you and I am especially torn apart because it took losing you to realize that I really need you. Kyle, you are my hero and one of my best friends. Please forgive me for my stupidity and take my tears as proof that I love and miss you terribly. I hope one day we can meet again. I love you, darling. Mandy

“Beautiful”

Right now I’m sitting and thinking about Kyle. Today at 5:40 he was found under a bridge but could not get to him until after six. He drowned saving his sister, Dena, they were camping at McFarlane Park and swimming in the Cedar River, I don’t know when his funeral is going to be. I really miss him, it is so unbelievable. Today I put on make-up and a dress, I sat around all day and just cried. When I spoke to David later I told him I wanted Kyle to look down from Heaven and to think I looked beautiful. He was the first person who ever called me beautiful and meant it. I think he was my soul mate. I really love him… and I really miss him.

Monday June 23, 2003

[i left this letter with kyle when he was buried]

There are not words enough to express the hurt your death has thrust upon me. I am devastated when I realize what the future could have held for us. I cry when I think about how you were waiting for me all along, and I just failed to see it. I am so sorry Kyle Timothy, I am sorry that this world was far too cruel and cold for your warm and caring heart. You felt as no other person I have ever met, you loved like I will never be able to forget.

Coming to terms with this will not come swiftly or easily but with time, I hope, it will. You were amazing to me, I will never forget the way you could make me feel so important and beautiful and loved, or the way you could make me smile. I mistook all of these feelings for friendship, nothing more, and now I am sorry so terribly sorry. If only I could have made you feel the love I received from you, If only I could have made your life a little sweeter, a little better, a little less painful.

I am afraid that I have lost you for now but I know that someday we will meet again, and if you still will give me a chance, I’ll be yours forever, I will wait for you no matter who I meet or what I decide to do, even if it seems I’ve moved on, trust that there will always be a place in my heart for you and only you. No one can take that place away. I am eternally grateful for everything you have done for me in your selflessness and I will hold onto all the love you have shared with me. I wait for the day that I will be in your arms again.