Sundays < Sundaes

another long day slaving at the library. i hate when people are obviously saying “lie-berry” and you just stand there with a smirk on your face thinking to yourself “god what an idiot.” i absolutely hate people who think they know how to do my job better than i can. could i move faster? perhaps. could i go out of my way to be nice to some random person? i could. am i going to? no. why? because i get paid minimum wage. that might just be part of it though. if you are rude you won’t get too far. nice try.  i mean really, i don’t come to your work and slap the dick out of your mouth, don’t fucking tell me how to do my job. if i am incompetent, trust me, it’s on purpose, bitches.

on to a new chapter. it is something i think of constantly. stupid things i did as a kid to entertain myself. i was very strange from an early age. i collected books. i loved to organize them and count them. i loved to read. i was also very morbid. i loved to ride my bike down the hills in the cemetery. my best friend Amanda and i used to steal discarded flower arrangements from the waste cans and put them on ancient baby graves. most of them weren’t marked, they were indicated by a small cross or lamb. there were so many of them in older area of the crumbling graveyard, faraway from the polished marble monuments bearing strangely familiar surnames.

oh what’s the use of recalling every single detail of life? what will it prove except time goes endlessly forward? maybe it is just something i need to do. something that will make me happy. i have loved my life. it has been my movie. my reality is different from yours. my eyes are a camera. you don’t know all they have seen, in fact you probably couldn’t guess half. all of these memories are who i am. without me, they fade away and don’t exist. i cannot bear it. if i could not remember this life, i would want no part of it. if i should ever be unsure of who i am someone please read me this entry and tell me you know who i am. even if we are strangers and have never met if you read this then you know me too. you may know me better than anyone i know. usually my words fall on deaf ears. if yours work fine then please, kindly, use your voice.




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