No, I’m not shy about saying the double ll word, hell, there you go! I am, however, also a big fan of the word heck! I’m also hoping things don’t get too much worse, hard to imagine but I would like to reserve “hell” just in case my head goes flying off or something horribly gruesome like that.
I had to leave my groceries at Wal-Mart (not to mention we’re so poor we literally almost HAVE to shop at WalMart, though we try to buy things closer to home when at all humanly possible!) I didn’t leave my groceries as a practical joke or for a protest statement or even because I am excessively forgetful. No, I had to leave $80 worth of food (two weeks or more worth at my house) because the Department of Human Services didn’t tell me that they were slashing my monthly benefits from over $100 to a measly $16!
We used to get even more than that and we reluctantly accepted the help anyway. We only accept it so we don’t have to live off Ramen noodles, mac and cheese and the like. I can’t afford to buy fruits and veggies or good meats without the assistance. I lost my job a few months ago and before that my boyfriend of almost five years was out of work for five months.
We don’t go out or do much that costs money. He checked out library books for us the other day as a date. I had $3 in my bank account so I bought us both 70 cent fountain sodas from Kum & Go to drink in the 90 degree weather while we walked around downtown Cedar Falls waiting for our roommate to get off work. Luckily, they do work at the same pizza place and waiting for an hour or so saves a lot of gas. I forgot to mention that right now I also happen to be the only one of us with a working vehicle!
In short, we are broke and extremely on edge. Every morning for as long as I can remember we have woken up and have immediately had to deal with a myriad of issues.These range from the slightly irritating: a creditor or junk mail hounding me for money I don’t make. To the extreme:
- People walking into our house without prior notice (the place is up for sale and realtors have no sense of respecting your personal time, space or property and neither do the idiots peeking in our windows and breaking into our place for that matter!)
- The power/water/internet/phone being shut off, which has happened a few times (sometimes it was our lack of money, other times we don’t know what was going on!)
- Leaking things, constantly!
- Today our cats even tried to eat us from lack of food…
Ok, that last one is a joke, our three cats are super spoiled and the kittens are needing to be weened off wet food but they lick my face and meow in my ear until I get them the good stuff! I even spent more money on food for them and kitty litter (for my nose) than I did in things for myself. I plan on taking them to the vet (we have some ear mite issues and Mr. Trouble might have allergies!) before I am planning on buying any useless item for myself. I wish the world would make it easier to have a life but you also grow from the process of being constantly stretched and tested. If it wasn’t for my animals, friends and the people I live with it would be so easy to give up.
The fact that I want to get out and above my situation allows me to suppress the urge to pull the covers over my face and stop dealing with the world around me. I need to find a place that we can live securely, whether that means buying the place we are in now (so people don’t constantly go looking through our house to see if they want to buy it) or if that means finding a new place altogether.
Wish me luck or I may never be able to write to my heart’s content… only unravel my mind, miserably, one day at a time.