October 13th Musings–Rainy Days & Documentaries

Too bad it’s Saturday instead of Friday but it being one of my favorite days in one of my favorite months I thought it would be fun to prod my mind this rainy day.

I want to have a Halloween party (my favorite holiday) and possibly even ride on my first “party bus”… I suppose working next to the university I graduated from and learning to engage socially is the next step for me. I’ve networked a few times and a few real people actually know my online writing persona exists.

I came home and after napping started watching documentaries on YouTube. I’m horrified (and sickly entertained) by this one: The War on Kids: The Definitive Documentary on the Failure of the Public Education System. It’s really fucking good and it makes the good girl in me want to go back and kick that asshole teacher in his throat like he deserved… Or at least speak out about my own experience in the system. Between school and church I’m pleasantly surprised I turned out the way I did. I can still think… I think.

I’ve been on psychoactive drugs prescribed and otherwise, I’ve been a good student and a bad apple, I’ve been a nerd, goth, teacher’s pet, problem child and sexual deviant. I have been a very American girl.

What do I want to be now though? Hell, what do I even want to be for Halloween?

I write it down and even take pictures when I figure out the answers to those questions. Two every important and difficult questions. Why does a good documentary and a day of pain and despair inspire such deep musings?

I’m that dark little kid all grown up. Now its time to shine light on all those dark spots and people who still haunt my dreams, telling me I’ll never be what I wanted. Well I am.

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