The Rook

Kyle Cummins drowned saving the life of his youngest sister, Dena. He will always be a hero to anyone who knew him. I wrote this so he will forever live on through his actions and through these words.

Lovers embrace in a frame flecked glittering sea-green,
moving olive shadows cast over eyes—unchangeable.
Mid-afternoon through patterned window coverings.
Friends descended stairs to the military ball.

Unchained melody buzzed dimly, behind us.
the corners of half-amused smiles dissolved
our words, gasping, drowning, filling our lungs.
Lead poisoning from sea-encrusted walls.

He swims and waits until his lover kisses water
from his heavy lungs. They sink—melted wax

for flesh and salty weeds for beds. Embraced.

song: “I Will Wait for You” Connie Francis

 

[Repeat]
Loneliness resonates, I think, think of you and know

I have all but forgotten but, this song exists still.

Your ghost continues to play it, never will you be

lost, these lyrics keep you forever with me.

 

Journal Entries

Saturday June 21 2003 11:00 pm

I’m wondering how this all happened. Why another person I loved had to leave me. I’ve never really lost something so close to me in death, just in going separate ways. Kyle knew so much about me and shared so deeply himself. He died a hero, though I knew he was a hero long before this all happened. He saved me from being alone. He was such a good friend and I know that he would have done anything he could to help another person out. When I found out that he died while saving his sister I was so proud of him but now I’m starting to hate the way I treated him when he was alive…

No amount of crying is going to let me see him smiling at me again.

It’s selfish of me to want to hang onto him, but his face will not leave my heart and mind. I only wish I could touch him and make him know what he means to me. I am haunted by the thought of never hearing his voice again, never being able to tell him that I love him. If I were able to talk to Kyle again I would say…

I’m sick at the thought of how I treated you and I am especially torn apart because it took losing you to realize that I really need you. Kyle, you are my hero and one of my best friends. Please forgive me for my stupidity and take my tears as proof that I love and miss you terribly. I hope one day we can meet again. Mandy

[A letter I left with Kyle when he was buried]

There are not words enough to express the hurt your death has thrust upon me. I am devastated when I realize what the future could have held for us. I cry when I think about how you were waiting for me all along, and I just failed to see it. I am so sorry Kyle Timothy, I am sorry that this world was far too cruel and cold for your warm and caring heart. You felt as no other person I have ever met, you loved like I will never be able to forget.

Coming to terms with this will not come swiftly or easily but with time, I hope, it will. You were amazing to me, I will never forget the way you could make me feel so important and beautiful and loved, or the way you could make me smile. I mistook all of these feelings for friendship, nothing more, and now I am sorry so terribly sorry. If only I could have made you feel the love I received from you, If only I could have made your life a little sweeter, a little better, a little less painful.

I am afraid that I have lost you for now but I know that someday we will meet again, and if you still will give me a chance, I’ll be yours forever, I will wait for you no matter who I meet or what I decide to do, even if it seems I’ve moved on, trust that there will always be a place in my heart for you and only you. No one can take that place away. I am eternally grateful for everything you have done for me in your selflessness and I will hold onto all the love you have shared with me. I wait for the day that I will be in your arms again.

Thoughts?

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